Willem H. J. Martens argues in his infamous article, ‘The Hidden Suffering of the Psychopath’, that psychopaths experience intense emotional pain, suffering from loneliness, and want to be loved like everyone else. He might have a point, he might not. That notwithstanding, Jasper has beckoned you over, is offering you a beer. Wants to get something off his bony chest….

I don't know the fancy name for a man who knows the difference between good and bad, but does what he wants anyhow, ‘cos he doesn’t give a shit. Same for the fella who don't even know what good and bad are, but goes and gets what he wants no matter what that might take. All I know is that both men are never on the ‘path’ to righteousness, they’re on the road to Hell instead.

The first guy lies to hide what he is, might even justify his actions according to how he sees things. He's gunna have a lot of secrets. He's gunna know how other people think and he knows what buttons to press to get ‘em to dance to his tune. He ain't got any emotions except for anger and maybe smugness when he wins. If he's wearing a feeling, that's no more him than the cloth covering his body. He's like a TV screen showing what he thinks will get the best ratings, or have his audience just where he wants them, reacting according to his play book.

The second guy, the one who don't have the brain for right and wrong, he's pretty similar. Difference is that this guy ain't no actor. He’s a cold-hearted son of a bitch who might try to get along, but his needs are his only concern. This critter don’t feel nothing most of the time. He’s kinda numb on the inside. You won’t see him show fear when a normal guy would be pissing his pants, or looking for a way out. About the only human emotion you are gunna see is rage when things ain’t going his way. Put a roadblock in front of this type of fella and he’ll smash it down and ram it up your ass and have no idea why you are screaming.

Both fucked up bastards can appear pretty normal unless you know what to look for. Broken promises, reactions that just don’t fit right and the big one…they don’t worry about anything. The first guy always reckons he’s got the smarts to handle what gets in his way, so he don’t plan or think too far ahead. The second guy can be particular about his stuff, like how he saddles his horse, but he’s only ever working on getting what he wants, and ain’t got any interest in fretting about obstacles in his way. Both guys break their promises, cheat and neither of them pays their bills.

It's the not paying your dues that really fucks me off. So a man had a pair of shits for his momma and poppa. Maybe his brother learnt to hurt a man by practicing on his little brother with a zippo and a pitchfork. Maybe his momma drowned his puppy dog ‘coz it was barking when she was listening to the radio.

Maybe his sister said no too many times and he buried those needs so deep they only come back up to the surface when a girl cries, or runs for safety. So, his uncle showed him some country affection at the back of the barn and then beat him to a pulp. Maybe his big old Daddy locked him in the woodshed for a week every time he cried. I don’t care. Ain’t no excuse for not paying your bills.

The sad fuck who doesn’t know anything but getting what he wants, might have come into this world screwed from the start. Might be the runt of the litter born without the mixed benefits of being like everyone else. So, he’s lonely on account of his cold heart. So, he’s never gunna fit in and know what it’s like to see warmth in a friend’s eye, even if that flickers for less time than it takes to pull a trigger. So, he’s gunna make enemies ‘coz he doesn’t know how to make friends. Spend his life wondering why people fear him, trust him less than they would a wounded coyote with an empty, growling belly. That man still gotta pay his bills. Period.

Let me tell you a little bit of truth…I couldn’t give a rat’s arse about why a man does what he does, or who he does it to. Seems to me worrying about that stuff gets you killed, or tied up in things that only ever fuck you up. A man who fills his belly with water from a spoilt well might fix his thirst, but he’ll be shitting for weeks after and regretting every mouthful.

But even I’ve got my sore spot and all good sense just flies the nest when someone pushes that button. One minute I can be fine, even feeling easy with my load. But press that button and the gates of Hell will open within me, and then your destiny is done. Simple rule I follow…swallow all the shit, every last bit of it except for the bit you never will. Gives a man a sense of control, a feeling of balance.

You might get to wondering why I’m telling you all this shit. Might even think pour old screwed up Jasper has been talking to Mr Bud and Mr Weiser all night long. Perhaps had a conversation with his old friend Jack, maybe been getting a little too much southern comfort for his own good. You’d be wrong buddy. Most of what you think about me is pure horse shit.

You ain’t walking this road in my boots and you ain’t felt Avery’s sun burn you alive day after day. You ain’t seen Clarke’s cold blue eyes just before he shoots, and you never will. You ain’t even seen your wife buried in Avery’s dry dust after wasting her life trying to stay above it. Most of all, you don’t know what it’s like to take all that, then toil in the heat, smeared in grease and oil for a son of a bitch who tells you to stick your bill up your ass. I do.

Oh yeah, we were thinking about why I’m telling you this crap. Well, I’m not looking for your sympathy so quit worrying about that. I just want you to know what I’m about to do ain’t gunna be done because I’m like the two guys I told you about. I’m different. The things I’m gunna do ain’t wrong or right, but because a man’s gotta pay his bills, they just gotta be done.

Remember that when the next four suckers get themselves killed courtesy of good, old Jasper. You might not like what I’m gunna do, but you sure as hell will know why I want to do it. Now that gives me a little peace. No man wants to travel alone.